It feels awful. It eats you from the inside, slowly and painfully.
I am lonely; very lonely. I have one friend and my parents and nobody else. That feeling is eating me alive day by day and I try my best to hide it from people but it is hard. Goddamn hard. I don’t have a person to talk to.
My friend has her friends and I am not important to her and I will probably never be. My parents are there for me but they have their own problems and I avoid talking with them too often because I don’t want to give them more problems than they have now.
Essentially, I am alone with my thoughts and with my feelings and that is what I don’t like. The only thing I can do about it is to cry my guts out and hope that I will feel better. I sometimes do, and sometimes I don’t. The worst part is that you can feel how it hurts you. How that feeling breaks you into a thousand pieces from night to night. It is a hard feeling to deal with alone.
It often mixes with anger and sadness. You are angry because you are trying so hard to suppress that to avoid feeling it that when you fail, it is ten times worse. The sadness part is when you see other people with their friends, laughing and having a good time and you are lonely and sad. It eats you from the inside, again. Some people get used to it so it doesn’t represent something new and some people just have the same feeling over and over again. Some people feel like there is no end to it.
That is how it feels to be lonely. Trapped in your own feelings, thoughts and knowing that no matter how much you try, you will never be the 1st choice for someone. Some people accept that fact and move on, some don’t. The thing is that it affects you, like it or not. And that’s the worst part – being afraid to feel lonely, constantly fighting against it.