What makes children antisocial, shy, and lack confidence?

Okay. I consider myself to fit in all three categories that you mentioned. I can answer it based on my experience.

1) Antisocial: I am a complete antisocial person. I would talk to people if they come and talk to me but never initiate conversation on my own. It was how I was raised. My mom was antisocial too. She would never like any of our family friends or relatives visiting our place. She thought it was a lot of work to be put in for people who would visit just for a few hours. Like making food, cleaning the house a little bit, putting aside those few hours of your day to entertain them.

She would get mad if me or my dad brought any of our friends home. So I began to visit my friends instead of inviting them. But there is only so many times that you are invited to anybody’s place. People expect you to return the favor by inviting them to your place. That is how friendship blossoms. But as I said she didn’t like it and hence, I would never invite them. I began feeling comfortable being alone. This way my mom was happy and I never was in an awkward situation where I would have to invite any new friends to my place and face my mom’s wrath. That childhood behavior extended into my adult life. Now I try to be social and talk to people but it is really difficult and run out of topics and have that “awkward silence” most of the time.

2) Shy: I think shyness in me stemmed from being antisocial. When you have been alone or with few friends most of your life it is difficult to make small talk or initiate conversation with strangers. I am not saying that shyness always results from being antisocial. People have always told me that they perceive me as a quiet and shy person. Based on their perception, I can say that me being shy is mostly due to lack of courage to speak and absence of topics to speak on. Few of my friends who I think are extroverts have always had people in their lives. Like cousins, friends, neighbors. Their parents never discouraged them to invite people, on the contrary encouraged it. I guess that is what most parents do. So I can say that for me shyness is the result of being antisocial.

3) Lacking Confidence: I lack confidence because I was never taught to be confident. My mom was always critical on whatever I did. My clothes, my hair, my studies, my friends, etc. She was trying to make me better by criticizing me but what she didn’t understand was that she was also making me lose confidence in whatever I did. I started feeling that the things I do were not up to the standards my mom wanted. Because there was always that one tiny thing she didn’t like. Adding to it was the fact that they never encouraged me to participate in any sports or extra curricular activities. So my friends were mostly the books I read and the movies I watched. I was never taught to be confident in my own skin. I was always taught to look at other popular girls in my school and imitate them. Till this day I compare most aspects of my life with others. Healthy comparison is beneficial but sadly i was not taught when it becomes unhealthy.

I am not saying my parents did a bad job raising me. They were the best parents I could ask for. But to answer this question I just highlighted those characteristics that I felt could have been better.






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